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Submitted on
April 16, 2009
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2.2 KB


9 (who?)

The Arabs and Greeks can take you back
O Mathematics, bane of high school pupils!
You are their source of misery and woe.
For their brains are in tizzy
--Except for those front row wizzes--
And their glazèd eyes are dizzy
(I can smell the neurons fizzing)
And the heated room is sizzling
From the foreboding sweat of
Mathematical victims.

All the wicked cruel, infernal flames
Of grimly grinning devils,
Or all the torments in Hell's forbidden halls
With their screeching, engines of torment and woe;
All these found in Hell cannot compare
With the one most suited ill to me.
For the fallen angel here is armed
With textbooks of arithmetic,
Of calculus, theoretical theorems
Cartesian graphs and an abacus of doom.

In this chamber of utmost torment
My brain is stretched and wracked.
Cerebral juices bleed upon the floor.
The silent screamings of widened eyes
Gazing with horrified affright.
Mouths agape like senseless apes,
In bestial, dreadful terror.

Oh, men may praise your constancy and truth,
And laud your cool calculations,
Extolling your practicality and reliability.
But I, (bold poet that I am)
I decry your constant computations
As I denounce the calculating
Psychopathic serial killer.
For such as you are:
Murderer of Adolescent Brains.

Parametrical proofs and trigonomic monstrosities
Your base eights and twos
All are whirling, screaming Furies
Whipping 'round my brain.
Pulling, scratching, biting, searing
Sines and secants through my mind;
Sequences, sums and series'
Medusa's hissing, poisonous serpents
Turn my mind to stone.

I don't know ya
Nor do I wish the pleasure.
Derivatives, limits and infinities,
How they limit me!

These are frustrations
More poignant than pain
That reek awful havoc
On the teenager's brain.
So I wrote this a few weeks ago when I was really, *REALLY* irritated with my math class. If you know me, you know that I absolutely loathe math. The cure? I use my creative juices to create this Math-bashing poem. I showed it to my math teacher and he liked it. :XD:
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bishop-myriel43 Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, I've always wanted to write a poem about Hell . . . I mean, Math class. Never found time to, though.

This is really, really good!
Theophilia Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hahahah, yeah, Math. ;-) *gulp* Not my best subject LET'S JUST SAY.
soda-with-cyanide Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Student General Artist
Haha, generally, I don't see too many math-bashing stuff, but most of them are kind of plain, but the apocalyptic/hellish scene here is... heavenly funny! :rofl: Indeed, math's a torture! Medieval tortures barely reach the ankle of a frog in comparison with maths! :faint: :D
Theophilia Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Why thank you! :D As you can probably tell, I was suffering most horrendously in class, so my muse had to relieve some of the tension. :XD:

True dat! :highfive:
soda-with-cyanide Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2011  Student General Artist
Hehe, and my sister is trying yo convince me to go to architecture. :O_o: Haha indeed! ;)
Theophilia Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I was actually thinking about architecture ('cuz I love it) have to do math. And I fail most epically at math. Therefore, I most graciously decline.
soda-with-cyanide Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2011  Student General Artist
Indeed; actually I was never interested in architecture, plus math. :fear: And yep, your not the only one who spirals down. ;)
alcuin18 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2010
Very true. :D
Theophilia Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:highfive: :D

alcuin18 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2010
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