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The Arabs and Greeks can take you back
O Mathematics, bane of high school pupils!
You are their source of misery and woe.
For their brains are in tizzy
--Except for those front row wizzes--
And their glazèd eyes are dizzy
(I can smell the neurons fizzing)
And the heated room is sizzling
From the foreboding sweat of
Mathematical victims.

All the wicked cruel, infernal flames
Of grimly grinning devils,
Or all the torments in Hell's forbidden halls
With their screeching, engines of torment and woe;
All these found in Hell cannot compare
With the one most suited ill to me.
For the fallen angel here is armed
With textbooks of arithmetic,
Of calculus, theoretical theorems
Cartesian graphs and an abacus of doom.

In this chamber of utmost torment
My brain is stretched and wracked.
Cerebral juices bleed upon the floor.
The silent screamings of widened eyes
Gazing with horrified affright.
Mouths agape like senseless apes,
In bestial, dreadful terror.

Oh, men may praise your constancy and truth,
And laud your cool calculations,
Extolling your practicality and reliability.
But I, (bold poet that I am)
I decry your constant computations
As I denounce the calculating
Psychopathic serial killer.
For such as you are:
Murderer of Adolescent Brains.

Parametrical proofs and trigonomic monstrosities
Your base eights and twos
All are whirling, screaming Furies
Whipping 'round my brain.
Pulling, scratching, biting, searing
Sines and secants through my mind;
Sequences, sums and series'
Medusa's hissing, poisonous serpents
Turn my mind to stone.

SohCahToa,
I don't know ya
Nor do I wish the pleasure.
Derivatives, limits and infinities,
How they limit me!

These are frustrations
More poignant than pain
That reek awful havoc
On the teenager's brain.
So I wrote this a few weeks ago when I was really, *REALLY* irritated with my math class. If you know me, you know that I absolutely loathe math. The cure? I use my creative juices to create this Math-bashing poem. I showed it to my math teacher and he liked it. :XD:
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:iconbishop-myriel43:
bishop-myriel43 Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, I've always wanted to write a poem about Hell . . . I mean, Math class. Never found time to, though.

This is really, really good!
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hahahah, yeah, Math. ;-) *gulp* Not my best subject LET'S JUST SAY.
Reply
:iconsoda-with-cyanide:
soda-with-cyanide Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Student General Artist
Haha, generally, I don't see too many math-bashing stuff, but most of them are kind of plain, but the apocalyptic/hellish scene here is... heavenly funny! :rofl: Indeed, math's a torture! Medieval tortures barely reach the ankle of a frog in comparison with maths! :faint: :D
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Why thank you! :D As you can probably tell, I was suffering most horrendously in class, so my muse had to relieve some of the tension. :XD:

True dat! :highfive:
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:iconsoda-with-cyanide:
soda-with-cyanide Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2011  Student General Artist
Hehe, and my sister is trying yo convince me to go to architecture. :O_o: Haha indeed! ;)
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I was actually thinking about architecture ('cuz I love it) but....you have to do math. And I fail most epically at math. Therefore, I most graciously decline.
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:iconsoda-with-cyanide:
soda-with-cyanide Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2011  Student General Artist
Indeed; actually I was never interested in architecture, plus math. :fear: And yep, your not the only one who spirals down. ;)
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:iconalcuin18:
alcuin18 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2010
Very true. :D
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:highfive: :D

:salute:
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:iconalcuin18:
alcuin18 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2010
:D
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:iconithelda:
Ithelda Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Good grief I know how you feel :)...math is definetly the bane of my existence.
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:XD: Definetly. :D
Reply
:iconnot-a-great-artist:
Not-a-Great-Artist Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2009  Student Writer
Aaahgh. Math!! :pissed:

This is hilarious. I love it. And the picture is perfect. It reminds me of some of my math doodling. Hmm.
Reply
:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:XD: Hehehe, yeah, I was lucky I found it on the internet. :D
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:iconelavoria:
elavoria Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
And I thought I didn't like math! :D SOCAHTOA, what's the point?! Can't even do it without a calculator! :doh: I love that picture, too. My favorite part is "Oh, men may praise your constancy and truth,/And laud your cool calculations,/Extolling your practicality and reliability./But I, (bold poet that I am)/I decry your constant computations".
Reply
:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:XD: :lol: :rofl: Thanks so much! Our teacher made us have to do certain triangles without a calculator. It was such a pain. :faint:
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:iconelavoria:
elavoria Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! Eeew. I don't like triangles. And I hated how sometimes we were allowed to assume stuff and sometimes we weren't - math is supposed to be constant. Dx
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That is exactly it! Math is unchanging---but it's not, and you have to figure out how to use it, but it's so freakishly confusing. Gah. It's like a game where the rules keep changing on you.
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:iconelavoria:
elavoria Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
And the higher you go, the more useless it becomes... xD I much prefer English.
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:XD: Ditto. :D :highfive:
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:iconniuhuru:
niuhuru Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2009  Student Artist
Am I the only person here who likes Maths? :XD:
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yes. :XD:

Nah, I mean, Math is awesome and everything, I'm just absolutely TERRIBLE at it. And I hate my math class. I don't hate math. I just hate learning it. :XD:
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:iconnimphaiwe:
Nimphaiwe Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2009  Student General Artist
Oh, and I love the preview image. :D
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:XD: So do I. I found it on google and I just thought it was perfect. :D
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:iconnimphaiwe:
Nimphaiwe Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2009  Student General Artist
:laughing: I can relate!! Math can make the brain feel such pain.
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:XD: I think many artists feel the same way. ;)
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:iconnimphaiwe:
Nimphaiwe Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2009  Student General Artist
Except maybe Escher. XD
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
lol. :XD: He was kinda weird though...his drawings were pretty cool though)
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:iconnimphaiwe:
Nimphaiwe Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2009  Student General Artist
Yeah. I like the one with all the stairs.
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I think I like the drawing hands one.
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:iconnimphaiwe:
Nimphaiwe Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2009  Student General Artist
Ooh yeah I forgot about that one! I only just saw it last week for the first time. This guy had it on his t-shirt. I want a t-shirt like that. XD
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Heheh, I'd buy one! :D You can find tons of awesome shirts online nowadays.
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(1 Reply)
:icondwellin:
Dwellin Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Soooo true!
I don't see numbers... they are like personalities to me and tend to make up stories about them. When called up for the answer all I can say is, "I could have warned you not to put 8 and 3 together, it always ends up badly."
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:XD: :lol: I think that might be one reason why I'm so bad at math. Some numbers just seem larger than others, or older, if you will. It's so weird...XD
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:iconjenniferelluin:
JenniferElluin Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
This is great!
I'll probably feel the same way when I have to take Calculus next semester.
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:XD: lol. :lol:
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:iconprofessor-kirby:
Professor-Kirby Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
Is this styled after "The Bells?'
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No, not particularly, it wasn't really suppoed to be styled after anything. It was kind of just...inspired. :XD:
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:iconstarconvoy:
StarConvoy Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2009
*is shot*
that's me in a nutshell about geometry. we're currently relearning area of polygons. i learned all that in 5th grade. now, they have to make it SO HARD....stupid circles and triangle :iconanimefaceplz:
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Blergh. Math is a nightmare for me. :faint:
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:icontheladysunshine:
theladysunshine Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
You have embodied the thoughts of all who suffer from the atrocities of math. I really like the "Murderer of Adolescent Brains" line. Especially because it's so true! :XD: lol
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Heehehe, it is so ture, if I have seemed to hit it dead on, then it can only be owed to my muse who, at the time, was extrememly frustrated with my math class.
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:icontheladysunshine:
theladysunshine Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I feel your pain. Your muse rocks. :D
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:D lol, thanks. :XD:
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:icontheladysunshine:
theladysunshine Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome. :)
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:iconbohemianbeachcomber:
BohemianBeachcomber Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
You've said it all and so well, too...Down with math!!! :shakefist: I'm so glad I finished all my math requirements last year. Although, in a way, it's sad because our math teacher is one of the few who's on board the cool and true Catholic boat. Used to be in Corpus Christi. Great guy. Needs a haircut desperately, though. He used to look like a bohemian beachcomber, which was sweet, but now he looks like a hippie. :peace: Interesting, to say the least.
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:XD: :D Next year I will have gotten all my mth requirements done. I shall be finished FOR EVAA!!!

Heeheehee, that's awesome. :XD:
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:iconbohemianbeachcomber:
BohemianBeachcomber Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Yay! Good for you. :D
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:icontheophilia:
Theophilia Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
^ ^
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:iconlykex:
Lykex Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2009
*sees math sheet*

Nan-GUAAH!!! *is bombarded by explosive, special effects sparks* DX

Curse you Math... *struggles to get up* you have hindered my academic progress for too long!! D8<
Reply
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