Theophilia

Early Snow - Vasily Polenov (1891)

“There is such a thing as hunger for more than food, and that was the hunger I fed on. I was poor, my work unknown; often without meals; cold, too, in winter in my little studio on the West Side. But that was the least of it.

When I talk about trouble, I am not talking about cold and hunger. There is another kind of suffering for the artist which is worse than anything a winter, or poverty, can do; it is more like a winter of the mind, in which the life of his genius, the living sap of his work, seems frozen and motionless, caught—perhaps forever—in a season of death; and who can know if spring will ever come again to set it free?

It was not only that I could not sell my work—that has happened to good men, even to great men, before—but that I couldn’t seem to get through, myself, to the things that were bottled up inside me. No matter what I did, figure, landscape, still-life, it all seemed different from what I meant—from what I knew, as surely as my name was Eben Adams, was the thing I really wanted to say to the world; to tell people about, somehow, through my painting.

I cannot tell you what that period was like; because the worst part of it was an anxiety it is very hard to describe. I suppose most artists go through something of the sort; sooner or later it is no longer enough for them just to live—to paint, and have enough, or nearly enough, to eat. Sooner or later God asks His question: are you for Me, or against Me? And the artist must have some answer, or feel his heart break for what he cannot say.”

- Portrait of Jennie, Robert Nathan (1940)

“No creative person is simple, for he is torn between what is and what is to be. Unborn things crowded in on the soul of St. Francis [of Assisi], and he had to pay for them with all those deep sufferings that are the price of producing new life. He was faced with that question of the value of the creative man who is more than he really is, greater than himself and smaller. It is a question of value which consists in this: he who is simply a man, possessed of dignity and his own life, in a very singular way becomes an instrument, a channel, for something else, for the thing to be created…He was most understanding, and understanding means sympathy, “suffering with” others. From him comes the saying that a man knows only as much as he has suffered.”

– St. Francis and Divine Providence by Romana Guardini

Happy New Year Friends and Fellow Artists!

I know this is a *little* late for a proper New Year’s post, but I don’t write many journal entries nowadays (frankly, I don’t know if anyone reads these things anymore), but I thought I would jot down a quick summary of the past year, if for my own sake as a record if for nothing else.

2023 was the year where I started keeping track of and reviewing things more. A personal ‘innovation’ of mine was to note down the highlights of my month (projects completed, artwork finished, books read, etc.) and then to review the end of my month and look back on which goals for that month I had accomplished. I usually try to do too many things, so inevitably I didn’t meet *all* my goals, but I did get some done. I was hoping to do a monthly master study and a monthly poem, but that didn’t end up happening. I did start a Poetry Club with some friends that petered out within a few months, but hey, two poems are better than none! I wrote Tempus Fugit and The Madonna Lily. I also finished my project of making icons of the 12 Apostles (plus St. Paul!) which was a big goal for me. I also re-did icons of St. Margaret of Scotland, St. Catherine of Siena, St. Patrick of Ireland, St. Joseph, St. Maximilian Kolbe, St. Elizabeth of Hungary, St. John the Baptist, St. Anthony of Padua, St. Mary Magdalene, St. Martha, and the Holy Family. I also finally got around to making icons of St. Sebastian and St. Gianna Molla which were ones I had been meaning to do for years. I finished 36 Commissions (including two book covers) and worked and finished two fun artistic side projects, namely, painting my Bavarian Madonna statue and making my Joan of Arc banner. 2023 was my first full year on Etsy and I think that’s been going well and I’m excited to upload and update more products on my store. I have lots of art projects planned for this year, so stay tuned! I am especially hoping to re-do my icon of St. Joan of Arc, which is something I've been wanting to do for a long time.

I also read a lot of books/plays this year (56 in total) and 2023 was the first year I kept track of that, so I think I’ll do the same this year. Here’s my 2023 book list, for those interested. Feel free to ask questions/ask for recommendations:

1. Aristotle for Everybody - Mortimer Adler (Feb 1st)

2. Romance of the Three Kingdoms – Luo Guanzhong, Abridged Penguin edition (Feb. 25th)

3. Dr. Faustus - Marlowe (Feb. 27th)

4. Pygmalion - George Bernard Shaw (March 10th)

5. Showings – Julian of Norwich (March 28th)

6. The Sadness of Christ – St. Thomas More (April 27th)

7. Romance of the Three Kingdoms – Luo Guanzhong, Unabridged (May 9th)

8. Oscar Wilde’s Stories for Young People (May 14th)

9. Poetry of Oscar Wilde (May 25th)

10. The Greatest Philosopher who ever Lived – Peter Kreeft (June 5th)

11. Joan of Arc – Mark Twain (June 13th)

12. Dick Sand – Jules Verne (July 3rd)

13. Struggles in the Spiritual Life – Fr. Timothy Gallagher (July 6th)

14. Imperial Renegade – Louis de Wohl (July 13th)

15. Mary Magdalene, Prophetess of Eucharistic Love – Fr. Sean Davidson (July 31sr)

16. The Black Rose – Thomas Costain (Aug. 6th)

17. The Bridge of San Luis Rey – Thomas Wilder (Aug. 15th)

18. The Duel – Joseph Conrad (Aug. 16th)

19. The Old Maid – Edith Wharton (Aug. 18th)

20. Fr. Sergius – Leo Tolstoy (Aug. 19th)

21. The Importance of Being Earnest – Oscar Wilde (Aug. 20th)

22. The Turn of the Screw – Henry James (Aug. 20th)

23. Grimm’s Complete Fairy Tales (Aug. 25th)

24. Good-bye Mr. Chips – James Hilton (Aug. 25th)

25. Prisoner of the Sand – Antoine de Saint Exupéry (Aug. 26th)

26. Portrait of Jennie – Robert Nathan (Aug. 27th)

27. The Lost Sea – Jan de Hartog (Aug. 31st)

28. Father of the Bride – Edward Streeter (Sept. 6th)

29. The Short Reign of Pippin IV – John Steinbeck (Sept. 9th)

30. Agamemnon – Aeschylus (Sept. 11th)

31. The Libation Bearers – Aeschylus (Sept. 12th)

32. The Eumenides – Aeschylus (Sept. 13th)

33. Prometheus Bound – Aeschylus (Sept. 14th)

34. Oedipus Rex – Sophocles (Sept. 20th)

35. Oedipus at Colonus – Sophocles (Sept. 22nd)

36. Antigone – Sophocles (Sept. 23rd)

37. Hippolytus – Euripides (Sept. 25th)

38. Electra – Sophocles (Sept. 26th)

39. Iphigenia among the Taurians – Euripides (Sept. 28th)

40. Electra – Euripides (Sept. 29th)

41. The Trojan Women – Euripides (Sept. 30th)

42. Philoctetes – Sophocles (Oct. 2nd)

43. The Bacchae – Euripides (Oct. 3rd)

44. Alcestis – Euripides (Oct. 6th)

45. Bride of the Nile (Volume 1) – Georg Ebers (Oct. 14th)

46. The Glories of Mary – St. Alphonsus Liguori (Oct. 14th)

47. The Political Testament of Cardinal Richelieu – Cardinal Richelieu (Nov. 6th)

48. Bride of the Nile (Volume 2) – Georg Ebers (Nov. 14th)

49. I Believe in Love – Fr. Jean C.J. d'Elbée (Nov. 15th)

50. Peter Pan – J.M. Barrie (Nov. 16th)

51. Peter Pan and Wendy – J.M. Barrie (Nov. 27th)

52. Person and Being – W. Norris Clarke (Dec. 7th)

53. Fall of the House of Usher and Other Writings – Edgar Allan Poe (Dec. 28th)

54. Taras Bulba – Nikolai Gogol (Dec. 29th)

55. The Book of Five Rings - Miyamoto Musashi (Dec. 29th)

56. Way to Happiness – Fulton Sheen (Dec. 31st)

On another note, while I was excited to start off 2024 with fresh enthusiasm, I’ve been feeling more and more saddened and discouraged about the current state of dA. The artistic community seems to be quickly disintegrating, the search system is broken, there’s an insane dearth of wholesome engagement and comments among artists, the algorithms and the website itself is a complete steaming hot mess, pages are awash with AI-generated mediocrities (at best) and unmentionable trash (at worst), and in general, I sense a lot of discouragement among artists (especially the ones who have been here for a long time) who remember how helpful and encouraging it was for their own creativity to know there were people here who were interested in and cared about their work, which spurred them to create more. Since that is severely lacking on this site now, I have a proposal for those who would like to do something fun and creative with other artists. So, if you are experiencing “a winter of the mind” when it comes to your artwork, I am planning on doing Figuary again this year (starting tomorrow) and I invite you all to join me, and hopefully hone our craft and all become better artists together. Let me know in the comments if you’d be interested in joining me! You can work at your own pace (and break up these videos as much as you’d like) but my suggestion is to maybe do 20-30 minutes of sketching per day. Here's the first video I'll be doing.

And tag me in your sketches once you post them! I’d love to see them and leave a comment or offer constructive feedback if you’d like that! At the end of the day, if we want a wholesome art community, we’ll have to make it ourselves, even if the structure of the website itself discourages it.

Again, as I said last year, thanks so much to all of the people on here who have commented and supported me throughout the years! I’ve learned so much from the conversations I’ve had with you all, and I’m the artist I am today because of all the wonderful feedback I’ve gotten from people over the years that has encouraged me (and continues to encourage me) to continue sharing my work with the world. So thank YOU! You are all the real MVPs.

And onwards to 2024!

"Mother of God" (1901) - Viktor Vasnetsov

"Thou art a Vineyard

newly blossomed out.

Tender, beautiful, planted in Eden,

Aloe-scented from Paradise.

God adorned thee,

no one deserves praise as thou,

and thou art thyself a brilliant sun."

~ Shen khar Venakhi

Salvete my Friends!

I hope you are all doing well and enjoyed a blessed Christmas and a lovely start to the New Year! I thought it was about time to do my (seemingly annual) journal update. I have to say, I love that we always begin the New Year under the patronage of the Mother of God.

First things first, 2022 was kind of a strange year for me. Strange, because it was a year of both personal frustration and a lot of promise and potential. I'd never had artist block before, and it took me a long time to realize what it was. I always thought artist block (or any other kind of creative-block) was when the well of inspiration dried up. That didn't happen to me; in fact, quite the opposite. I found myself bursting with a hundred new ideas and plans and even got excited about them. The thing was, I just couldn't seem to find the motivation to work on any of those projects. I just stalled out. I did power through a number of them, but I continued feeling like, (in the words of Bilbo,) "butter scraped over too much bread." I'd never really experienced such long-lasting artistic burn-out, and it pretty much lasted the entire year. I think I'm finally starting to come out of it, but it's been a struggle, and it certainly isn't effortless ("But that's fine, we'll just get tougher with it!") but certainly well worth whatever little effort I give to overcome that lack of motivation. So, it ended up being a bit of an artistic "rest" year. It also allowed me to try out new things, and get to stuff I've been avoiding/putting off or just haven't had the time for. So, even though it felt like a lazy year for me, I think it was good for my personal growth, because it's forced me to be more focused and deliberate in my goals.

On a related note (and maybe some of you have experienced this as well), dA used to be a real hub for artistic interaction, both for inspiration and encouragement in the form of comments and awe-inspiring (and I really mean that--that jolting, electrifying sense of awe and inspiration that I get from amazing pieces of artwork that gets my own creative juices flowing) artwork and a great sense of community. Sadly, I've found that after a lot of the recent updates (and Eclipse especially, and the whole advent of the AI flood of images) people have abandoned the site and a lot of that comradery has dried up. That's a real pity. Especially with art-making being a rather solitary and isolating enterprise to begin with, and it being difficult to find and connect with other artists in "real life". It's crazy to me when I come across these insanely good paintings and there are 0 comments on it, when in the past there would have been 20+ or more. Anyone else notice that almost total drop in comments and artist-viewer interaction? (Is it the algorithms, or did everyone just leave? Or both? I know the Search on dA is hopelessly broken ). Anyway, I think it's more important than ever for artists to reach out and encourage each other, especially with comments and good critiques. I'm gong to try and be better at that myself and reach out to people whose art inspires me and at least leave them a little word of encouragement. I know how much it means to me when people do it for me, so I want to do that for others as well. I know from personal experience that the "dead-ness" of dA has put a big damper on a lot of my creativity (well, especially in regards to this site, which "duh" makes sense ). So it makes sense if that malaise afflicts others as well.

But, in short, no excuses. I'm going to have to push myself out of my art funk and do what I can in spite of that, and keep uploading pictures here. It's good for me to keep up the habit anyway, and not slack off.

All of that is to say, thank you to everyone who is still sticking around and hasn't jumped ship, even though dA seems to be doing it's darnedest to push people out of the boat. Thanks for all the comments and favs and everything. I've become a far better artist because of the people on this site, and I certainly wouldn't be where I am without you. So here's to marching forward, pressing on, and keeping on keeping on.

There are many artists on here that are an inspiration to me, who have helped me grow by their encouragement and kind words, and of course, their awesome art, and I just wanted to give a shout out to a few of them: NikosBoukouvalas dashinvaine Ediacar MasterDoodleJoe80062 BricksandStones akitku A-Little-Tea-Rat NoahGutz SkyPotatoFire FireFiriel AlexVanArsdale and many more! Thank you everyone for all the support and kind words!

Here's my quick 2022 in review:

Things Accomplished in 2022

1. I finally finished reading St. Thomas Aquinas' Summa Theologiae (a New Year's Resolution I had started back in 2017). I'm going to miss my daily infusion of the Angelic Doctor, but I've started in on Julian of Norwich and found my previous reading of that great Dominican scholastic figure incredibly helpful for understanding her as well. And if I've learned anything from St. Thomas, it's that we can say things in two ways (or "dupliciter" as he put it in Latin).

2. Finally bit the bullet and bought Clip Studio Paint, something that's been on my wishlist for years and years, since I've wanted to get serious about getting into digital art (especially digital painting) for ages and ages and just never really got around to it. This year I finally did. I still haven't completed my pathetic little personal June challenge, but I did start in on it, which was personally encouraging, and it's inspired me to continue doing smaller sketches to bolster my skills and self-confidence.

3. I finished illustrating my first children's book (written by someone else, not me) called "Kiss Me Goodnight." I used pencil to sketch the illustrations, but did the inking and coloring entirely in Clip Studio Paint and learned a lot.

4. I also started getting into portrait photography with my Canon EOS Rebel T7 DSLR Camera (especially after I bought that lovely little EF 50mm f/1.8 STM Lens which is so nice for portrait photography!). I've used my little point-and-shoot Nikon CoolPix for years now (and still do) but it was time for an upgrade and I've really enjoyed expanding my photography repertoire a bit. Still shuffling gingerly into that field (and dang is photography an expensive hobby! ) but I'm excited to learn more.

5. I finally opened my Etsy store! That's been a personal goal of mine for years and I finally did it this past June! That may have been the biggest dragon I slew this year.

6. I also watched a lot of Studio Ghibli movies with my cousin this past year, both as a fun little excuse to do a social get-together, and also as a way to help recharge some of my creative inspiration batteries (that sometimes needed some serious re-juicing). I'm planning on doing some master studies of Miyazaki's work this year, largely inspired by kloir's incredible landscapes (I even got some of her brushes! ) and her own Miyazaki studies.

7. Sort of a hold-over from 2021, but I did finish that Sketch-a-Day Challenge for myself, which inspired me to continue sketching/practicing on a more regular basis.

Some Goals for 2023

(Not an exhaustive list, but a few of them)

1. Write a poem once a month. This is something I wanted to do last year, and just didn't. So I'm going to make another effort to do it again. I miss writing poetry (and writing in general), so maybe putting it up here will keep me a bit more accountable. @dashinvaine very kindly encouraged me to write more poems in a comment on my last poem (written in 2019) about the Battle of the Teutoburg Forest. So I would like to do more of that.

2. Do Master Studies (at least once a month). I think this is do-able. I would really like to focus on a different drawing skill each month, but I think this will suffice. If I do the other things, great, but it's better to keep the goals manageable.

3. Speaking of which, I'm planning on doing Figuary 2023 (human figure-drawing month in February) if anyone would like to join me! In January I'm going to focus on finishing up commissions and other more important projects, but then I'd like to dive into doing more practice. Let me know if you're interested!

4. Complete icons of the 12 Apostles. This is another project I've been meaning to do and have just not gotten around to. 2023 is the year! It's going to happen! Wooo!

5. Read the Complete Works of Shakespeare (his major poems, sonnets, and plays). Not exactly an artistic goal, but a goal nonetheless. Since I want to get more into writing and am very interested in learning more about plot structure and characters, etc. who better to go to than the Bard himself? It's also just a bucket-list goal I have.

6. Probably the biggest and most important of all: I'm going to avoid deliberately wasting my time. I get stuck on this one far more than I'd care to admit. Sometimes I get so enmeshed in all the potentialities of projects, all the ways that I could go about it, all the things that could go wrong, all the decisions I could make in regards to it, that I don't DO it. I get stuck and paralyzed, and then I distract myself and refuse to work on it, until I decide I'm in the "right mood." I need to train myself to stop doing that. Instead, I need to remember my Aristotelian metaphysics: that it is better for a thing to be, than for it to not be. Bringing a thing out from potentiality into actuality is better than leaving it in the realm of dreams and non-existence, even if it is a disappointment compared to the dream. At least it exists in the realm of the real, instead of the world of dreams.

There was a great passage from Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning that I read this past year where he mentions that very thing:

"Those things which seem to take meaning away from human life include not only suffering but dying as well. I never tire of saying that the only really transitory aspects of life are the potentialities; but as soon as they are actualized, they are rendered realities at that very moment; they are saved and delivered into the past, wherein they are rescued and preserved from transitoriness. For in the past, nothing is irretrievably lost but everything is irrevocably stored.

Thus, the transitoriness of our existence in no way makes it meaningless. But it does constitute our responsibleness; for everything hinges upon our realizing the essentially transitory possibilities. Man constantly makes his choice concerning the mass of present potentialities; which of these will be condemned to nonbeing and which will be actualized? Which choice will be made actuality once and forever, an immortal "footprint in the sands of time"? At any moment, man must decide, for better or for worse, what will be the monument of his existence.

Usually, to be sure, man considers only the stubble field of transitoriness and overlooks the full granaries of the past, wherein he had salvaged once and for all his deeds, his joys, and also his sufferings. Nothing can be undone, and nothing can be done away with. I should say having been is the surest kind of being.

...The pessimist resembles a man who observes with fear and sadness that his wall calendar, from which he daily tears a sheet, grows thinner with each passing day. On the other hand, the person who attacks the problems of life actively is like a man who removes each successive leaf from his calendar and files it neatly and carefully away with its predecessors, after having first jotted down a few diary notes on the back. He can reflect with pride and joy on all the richness set down in these notes, on all the life he has already lived to the fullest...[He thinks]: 'Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the reality of work done and love loved, but of sufferings bravely suffered. These sufferings are even the things of which I am most proud, though these are the things which cannot inspire envy."

In a word, I want this year to be a year of deliberateness. I don't want to be stuck in the world of potentialities, but strive to make them actual. I was listening recently to Earl Nightingale's The Strangest Secret where he spoke very specifically about having goals and being deliberate about them. Two quotes I liked were: "Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal" and "A success is anyone who is doing deliberately a predetermined job because that's what he decided to do deliberately." It's not enough to have a thousand fly-away dreams and ideals. One must hone in and focus on them so one can actually take steps to accomplish them. So that's what I'm going to try and do this year.

There are a number of other things I'd like to say, but I suppose this journal has gone on long enough. I would be remiss, however, in not mentioning the passing of the great Pope Benedict XVI on the last day of 2022. New Years is always a time that reminds me of the passage of time, and the end to which we are all going, and the need to use our time as well and as wisely as possible. So to that end, let me leave you with this final thought from the late Pope himself:

“​​Quite soon, I shall find myself before the final judge of my life. Even though, as I look back on my long life, I can have great reason for fear and trembling, I am nonetheless of good cheer, for I trust firmly that the Lord is not only the just judge, but also the friend and brother who himself has already suffered for my shortcomings, and is thus also my advocate, my ‘Paraclete.’ In light of the hour of judgment, the grace of being a Christian becomes all the more clear to me. It grants me knowledge, and indeed friendship, with the judge of my life, and thus allows me to pass confidently through the dark door of death.”

~ Pope Benedict XVI, from a letter published February 2022

Rest in Peace Papa B. You were a real one. May you enjoy your eternal reward with the Lord.

Let me end again with "Shen khar venakhi" (a medieval Georgian hymn that I have long loved and admired, and indeed, made an art piece of back in 2016). I found this particular lovely rendition (from the Civ VI soundtrack of all places) of the hymn, and I hope you all enjoy it:

In a word:

Amen to that.

God bless you all!

~ Theophilia

Théåtre D'opéra Spatial, Jason Allen (Source)

So I've been seeing a number of AI-generated uploads around dA lately...has anyone else noticed an up-tick in that trend? I have to say...I find it kind of irritating and grating. I come to dA to find original artistic creations, and my feed is suddenly flooded with all of these samey-looking AI-generated images. I was noticing this for the past few weeks and kept wondering why I was seeing so much of it, and then today I happened to come across several different AI-generated articles all quite independently of each other, so I thought, "Ah heck, why not make a post about it?"

I came across this article this morning about how the first graphic novel illustrated entirely by AI-generated images is being released this year. What's the text of said graphic novel? Why, C.S. Lewis' essay The Abolition of Man of course. Ironic, though I'm sure the text was chosen for that very reason.

Then there's this article (that's where the picture at the top comes from) about how an AI-generated image won an art contest in Colorado.

Then there's this video which popped into my feed today. The YouTuber's main point in this video is that she uses AI generated images as a tool to help her come up with interesting concepts, color schemes, and compositions. I think that could be pretty innovative, and I don't have problems with it being used to generate ideas, like an idea board or something like that. I think the thing that rankles me the most (copyright and plagiarism and potential legality issues all aside) is it being used as a substitute for real skill and creativity.

Art is primarily a craft and a highly specialized skill. There's real craftsmanship to it which comes from years of hard work, patient labor, study, and the cultivation of real skill. I think what we all love in our favorite artists is that sense of awe we get when we look at a beautifully crafted and well-made piece, and wonder, "how did they do that?" It's that admiration that comes from seeing something that is difficult done well. And knowing it's carefully selected and chosen and precisely structured that way by someone like us who took time and skill to make it.

The AI-generated stuff cheapens all of that. There's no awe to it, no marveling, because it's just a computer algorithm making a photobash collage of other people's stuff. It's not crafting anything, it just looks like it is. Not to mention that there's no effort at typing in tags and pressing 'enter.' Anyway, I don't think AI is going to replace artists or anything like that, I just find it's advent on dA and everywhere else particularly annoying. I'd be interested in hearing other people's thoughts on this.

The Adoration of the Magi by Gentile da Fabriano (1423)

"Today the Bridegroom claims His bride, the Church,

since Christ has washed her sins away in Jordan's waters;

the Magi hasten with their gifts to the royal wedding;

and the wedding guests rejoice,

for Christ has changed water into wine, alleluia."

~ Antiphon from Lauds for the Solemnity of the Epiphany

Salvete All,

Well, I don't know about you, but I am not terribly sad to see old 2020 go. It's definitely been a hard year, but there's also been a lot of (painful growth), and I think I can say with most everyone else, that this past year is not one we'll quickly forget. Here's hoping that 2021 is a better year for us all. The quote that best sums up my feelings for everything going on right now comes from Wilfrid Sheed: “I find absolutely no grounds for optimism, and I have every reason for hope.”

I have a couple of artistic New Years Resolutions for this year. I want to do a sketch or drawing everyday in my sketchbook, as well as make some more progress on doing my new saint icons. I want to try to learn how to paint with gouache and get some more practice with that. And last but not least, I want to finally get around to building myself a proper website. We'll see if that happens!

However, the reason I wanted to write a quick journal entry today was because it's the beautiful Feast of the Epiphany, and one of my favorite readings from the Office of Readings comes from the week following this feast:

"In the mystery of our Lord’s Incarnation there were clear indications of His eternal Godhead. Yet the great events we celebrate today disclose and reveal in different ways the fact that God Himself took a human body. Mortal man, enshrouded always in darkness, must not be left in ignorance, and so be deprived of what he can understand and retain only by grace.

In choosing to be born for us, God chose to be known by us. He therefore reveals Himself in this way, in order that this great sacrament of His love may not be an occasion for us of great misunderstanding.

Today the Magi find, crying in a manger, the one they have followed as He shone in the sky. Today the Magi see clearly, in swaddling clothes, the One they have long awaited as He lay hidden among the stars.

Today the Magi gaze in deep wonder at what they see: heaven on earth, earth in heaven, man in God, God in man, One whom the whole universe cannot contain now enclosed in a tiny body. As they look, they believe and do not question, as their symbolic gifts bear witness: incense for God, gold for a king, myrrh for One who is to die.

So the Gentiles, who were the last, become the first: the faith of the Magi is the first fruits of the belief of the Gentiles.

Today Christ enters the Jordan to wash away the sin of the world. John himself testifies that this is why he has come: Behold the Lamb of God, behold him who takes away the sins of the world. Today a servant lays his hand on the Lord, a man lays his hand on God, John lays his hand on Christ, not to forgive but to receive forgiveness.

Today, as the psalmist prophesied: The voice of the Lord is heard above the waters. What does the voice say? This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.

Today the Holy Spirit hovers over the waters in the likeness of a dove. A dove announced to Noah that the flood had disappeared from the earth; so now a dove is to reveal that the world’s shipwreck is at an end for ever. The sign is no longer an olive-shoot of the old stock: instead, the Spirit pours out on Christ’s head the full richness of a new anointing by the Father, to fulfill what the psalmist had prophesied: Therefore God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness above your fellows.

Today Christ works the first of His signs from heaven by turning water into wine. But water has still to be changed into the sacrament of His blood, so that Christ may offer spiritual drink from the chalice of His body, to fulfill the psalmist’s prophecy: How excellent is my chalice, warming my spirit."

~ from a sermon by St Peter Chrysologus, bishop (b. 406 - d. 450 A.D.)

Today also happens to be Tolkien's 129th birthday! So Happy Birthday Professor Tolkien!

Professor by kimberly80

God bless you all in this New Year!

- Cecilia (a.k.a. Theophilia)

Pietro Cavallini, Birth of the Virgin Mary, from the Basilica of Santa Maria in Trastevere, c. 1290

Salvete All,

I hope you are all doing well. I wanted to thank all of you for all the wonderful words of support and especially for your prayers for my dad during this difficult time. I'm sorry I've been so AWOL and haven't been as responsive to comments as I'd like. Part of that is because it's been a pretty brutal summer and things have been topsy-turvy in my life, to say the least. Part of it is also the practical reality that Eclipse is still hard to use. After my dad's passing I was in the middle of a big move and a lot of my things are still in boxes, which is why I'm only now just posting artwork again. As we're starting to get into the fall, I've been able to get a little more back into the swing of things. Thank you all again for your patience! I'm hoping to start finishing up more commissions soon.

On a personal note, for those who have been asking how I've been doing, it's obviously very difficult to express it well in words, but at the funeral Mass, I think my brother summed up pretty well how we've all been feeling. It's been really rough, but also strangely peaceful. God has been so good to us. "O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?" (1 Corinthians 15:55). I think during this time of quarantine people have been shaken out of their normal habits, and I think people have probably spent a lot more time thinking about the purpose of their life, where they're heading, and the Last Things. Last November, I read a great book that I saw my dad reading during the summer called The Last Things: Death, Judgment, Hell, Heaven by Regis Martin (it's a really great book, I highly recommend it!). One of the books it quoted in the section on Death was Leo Tolstoy's short novella The Death of Ivan Ilyich, which I also read during the shut-downs:

"It really is so! I lost my life over that curtain as I might have done when storming a fort. Is that possible? How terrible and how stupid. It can't be true! It can't, but it is."

He would go to his study, lie down, and again be alone with *It*: face to face with *It*. And nothing could be done with *It* except to look at it and shudder.

[...]

Ivan Ilych saw that he was dying, and he was in continual despair.

In the depth of his heart he knew he was dying, but not only was he not accustomed to the thought, he simply did not and could not grasp it.

The syllogism he had learnt from Kiesewetter's Logic: "Caius is a man, men are mortal, therefore Caius is mortal," had always seemed to him correct as applied to Caius, but certainly not as applied to himself. That Caius -- man in the abstract -- was mortal, was perfectly correct, but he was not Caius, not an abstract man, but a creature quite, quite separate from all others. He had been little Vanya, with a mamma and a papa, with Mitya and Volodya, with the toys, a coachman and a nurse, afterwards with Katenka and will all the joys, griefs, and delights of childhood, boyhood, and youth. What did Caius know of the smell of that striped leather ball Vanya had been so fond of? Had Caius kissed his mother's hand like that, and did the silk of her dress rustle so for Caius? Had he rioted like that at school when the pastry was bad? Had Caius been in love like that? Could Caius preside at a session as he did? "Caius really was mortal, and it was right for him to die; but for me, little Vanya, Ivan Ilych, with all my thoughts and emotions, it's altogether a different matter. It cannot be that I ought to die. That would be too terrible."

I highly recommend reading it; it's a very good meditation on both life and death.

Re-watching The Lord of the Rings Trilogy with my family was also a really beautiful and comforting time together as well. This is one of my favorite scenes from the films:

The Grey Havens theme makes me choke up every time.

To close this journal and to commemorate this beautiful Feast of Our Lady's Nativity (Happy Birthday Mama Mary!), I just learned this morning that this feast was first documented being celebrated in Jerusalem, shortly after the Council of Ephesus in 431. It was celebrated on the site thought to have been the house of St. Anne and thus the birthplace of the Virgin Mary. I had gotten the chance to sing the hymn Sub Tuum Praesidium while in Jerusalem this last January, and I'd just like to share this in honor of Our Lady's Birthday:

God bless!